As the Redbird Daily continues to merge with the Cards Conclave, we are proud to feature some of our most popular articles from the past as part of the Redbird Daily Flashback series. This article, written in March of 2017 by Clay Beyersdorfer of the Last Man Up podcast, lays out the culinary strategy for your next trip to Busch Stadium. We hope you enjoy it.
Published: March 22, 2017
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Listen here folks, I’ve covered it all – from foul pole to foul pole at Busch Stadium.
One thing I haven’t touched, which is a really big part of my ballpark experience, is the food at Busch Stadium.
What most people don’t know is that there is a right and a wrong way to do food at Busch.
If you are going to the ballpark, and might I add it’s a handsome one to boot, make sure to fully read and understand this Busch Stadium Food Review, and don’t eat or drink like an idiot while watching the game.
Disclaimer – make sure to save your money when you go, eating at the ballpark isn’t cheap. But what is cheap these days?
Get the nachos, but the RIGHT NACHOS.
Nachos are the top pick for any sporting event – you get the ultimate combo of crunchy, salty, sweet, hot and cheesy. Busch Stadium is a hot bed for a few different varieties of nachos, and its important both to me and for your stomach that you pick the right ones. I’ve listed a few options below:
- Nachos (basic) $7.00 – you only get cheese and jalapenos: HAHAHA you idiot, don’t even think about getting these! Everyone will laugh at you and you might as well wear a Cubs jersey to the game! Locations: Pretty much at every food stand around the stadium.
- Nacho Grande $9.00 – comes with smoked pulled pork, salsa, cheese, jalapenos: now we are talking. You look like an everyday starter if you pick these babies.
- Nacho Helmet $17.00 – your standard taco meat, cheese, salsa jalapenos, but inside of a big plastic Cardinals batting helmet. Don’t be THAT person. You gonna wear that thing at the office the next day? Save your money guy. Pretty much available everywhere you buffoon.
- B.Y.O.N (price varies) – these get tricky; in style, taste and messiness. But LORD GOD can they get good. You want to impress your lady with your nacho skills? Take her to the B.Y.O.N (build your own nacho) line at the ballpark. These are for MVP’s only as they are also tricky to find, so keep your eyes peeled for sections 131, 151, and 450.
Can’t go wrong with a hot dog, but get two, because if you only eat one, you are a literal wiener.
No additional explanation needed here, the hot dogs Busch Stadium puts out are small, skinny and if Joey Chestnut saw them, he would be embarrassed. If you are big fan of the classic American hot dog, go ahead and get yourself two, because why the hell not? Any food station at Busch has these long johns.
They are relatively cheap ($6.50) and are pretty tasty.
P.S. – chances are Jonathon Broxton is in front of you in line, because he won’t be pitching, and will be hungry.
P.P.S – Matt Adams might eat the both of you because he is starving himself.
If you have the coin, get in the Red Bird Club.
THEY HAVE EVERYTHING IN THERE. Pasta, salad, cookies, beer, wine, cheesecake. God, I am salivating just thinking about it. The first time I went I threw up in the parking lot afterward.
And it wasn’t because I utilized the all you can drink service before the seventh inning deal. No sir, I ate until my stomach gave out.
You get in there and you eat. Do it for the troops, and the moms of the troops.
Don’t forget your kid
in the bathroom when it comes to dessert time
Busch Stadium does a really nice job with its offering of sweets.
From the mountains of cotton candy, to the “Dinger’s Donuts” in Sections 145 and 454 (hot donuts people, trust me, they are worth it), to the overpriced Dip N’ Dots that will undoubtedly freezer burn the crap out of your tongue, yes our beloved stadium rolls out the dough nicely.
A word to the wise: Don’t buy your kids Cracker Jacks.
They are not a dessert, and just because they are cheaper, I want to make it clear that it won’t get you “Parent of the Year” in ANY circle. The crappy prize inside the box is more a less a kick to the groin and telling your kid that this is where dreams go to die.
It’s caramel popcorn – with your luck, you’re getting an extra trip to the dentist. Have fun with that ya boob.
This brings me to the last, but MOST IMPORTANT tip of the Busch Stadium Food Review….
TIP YOUR BEER GUY.
These are the hardest working people, and the pride and joy of Busch Stadium. These are the men and women of St. Louis who bring joy to thousands of drunken Cardinals fans every night.
They carry a bucket of booze to morons for three to four hours a night, at minimum wage, with the hope they make a couple extra bucks to take home their families.
These are the real heroes. So throw a couple of bucks to the people who are willing to climb stairs to bring you the coldest beer in St. Louis, so your fat ass doesn’t have to get up and get it yourself.
That’s a quick nutshell of what to expect from the lovely vendors at Busch Stadium this year. We like to have fun here, and what better way to mix things up and bring you a food review?
Thanks for reading.
For more yelling, nonsense and food reviews, follow @TonOfClayton.
To keep up with the Last Man Up podcast, follow @LastManUpPod.