Trying to salvage my relationship with the Cardinals

In this frustrating season, I feel like the negativity has reached an all-time high. So I’m taking a page out of a few other bloggers’ books and trying to lighten the mood. I’m not going to waste a bunch of time try to spin stats in a way that make losing both series out East look good. It’s bad, and we all know it. I hope you’ll be able to step back from the ledge for a moment and enjoy this analogy.

Dear St. Louis Cardinals,

You’re such a tease. You are always leading me on. We go out for a baseball game and it starts out fun. After a few innings, though, you’re back to your old tricks: giving up runs, making fools out of yourselves at the plate, and making sloppy defensive plays. I feel like I’ve been dating you for five months and you’re never ready to get more serious. I am committed to making this work. I’m there for you all the time on Twitter, being the loving devoted fan that I am. I don’t complain to my friends about you…OK maybe just a little bit. I’m tired of lots of flirting every night, but then just a peck on the cheek on the end of the night.

My friends at Fox Sports Midwest keep telling me what a great team you are. I just feel like they don’t see the team I see when I get home at night. Every night you’re stinking up the place, and you don’t even apologize. I can’t tear myself away, though. I know you’re going to break my heart, and yet I just can’t spend a night without you. It’s time to just have the talk: where do you see us in October. Are we going to be together?

What difference does it make what I say, though? Why should you change? I’m not going anywhere.

I need more out of this relationship. I need a team that can play good teams well, and not get shutdown by some floozy pitcher. But I also need you to be able to dominate lesser teams. I saw how you acted with the Padres, and I wasn’t impressed. I need you to take this relationship seriously. When you’ve got someone on in the 9th and you send Daniel Descalso up to bat, it tells me you don’t care about us. Is that how you really feel about me?

Show me you care. When your starter is getting tired, but it’s only the 4th, don’t keep him out there just to get a win. How selfish is that? I want your best reliever on the mound, too. When you send Randy Choate out there, it tells me you don’t care about us. I just want you to play your best nine every day. I do care about your career, I want this to work for you…for us.

Let’s make this right. I want to have a real special night when you get home. We can work this out. Right?


  • Buddhasillegitimatechild38 September 1, 2014, 8:13 am

    You were more frustrated than 3 years and a week ago? Or thus time last year? We went ti the WS both of those years with the IF fly first wild card game win in between. And two days later we are in first. Hell we were only either 1, 1 12, or 2 games our when this was written. Baseball is a long season and this one has failed to meet elevated expectations so far but its good tibe a Cardinals fan.

Next Post:

Previous Post:

Please share, follow, or like us :)

Subscribe to The Conclave via Email

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 16.3K other subscribers